Man Caught Smuggling Chupacabra at Austin, Texas Airport

October 1, 2007 – 1:09 pm

Austin, TX - An unidentified man was caught trying to smuggle a chupacabra into Austin, Texas by hiding the beast in his carry-on luggage. To many people, the chupacabra ("goat sucker" in Spanish) is a mythical creature said to inhabit parts of Mexico and the southwestern United States. But to law enforcement personnel at Austin Bergstrom International Airport (ABIA) in Austin, Texas, the chupacabra is something much more real ... and dangerous. This story began on Saturday morning in the baggage claim area of Austin's airport. James Garcia, a TSA security screener, noticed a man who appeared nervous and agitated about something. "He ...

Posted in Austin News | 40 Comments »

Texas Bigfoot Attends Secret Meeting at Governor’s Mansion

September 25, 2007 – 4:15 pm

Austin, TX -- An unnamed source captured provocative photos of the "Texas Bigfoot" sneaking into the governor's mansion for a midnight meeting. According to the Texas Bigfoot Research Center, there have been many Bigfoot sightings in Texas, but none in the capital city of Austin. At around 1:00 a.m. on Sunday morning, that all changed. An unnamed source who if friendly to the Austin Probe took a series of photos that show the Texas Bigfoot surreptitiously entering the governor's mansion through a side door. Image: Texas Bigfoot sneaking into the governor's mansion An hour later, that same photographer captured the beast exiting the ...

Posted in Austin News | 7 Comments »

Autophobes Anonymous Enjoy ACL Festival

September 18, 2007 – 4:48 pm

Austin, TX -- Autophobes from around the country swooped into town this past weekend, overcoming their fears to attend the Austin City Limits Music Festival. Isopterophobes are terrified by termites. Pyrophobes fear fire. Sociophobes are put off by people. And autophobes ... well, they are afraid of automobiles. But that didn't stop 327 autophobes from attending the recent Austin City Limits Music Festival in Zilker Park. The group excursion was coordinated by Autophobes Anonymous, a national support group for people who suffer from autophobia -- the fear of cars. Image: Arriving autophobes crowd the skies over the ACL festival According to Zelda Algernon, ...

Posted in Austin News | No Comments »

Provocative Spandex Outlawed in Williamson County

September 12, 2007 – 12:05 pm

Round Rock, TX -- Williamson County officials announced today a new ordinance that bans the outdoor wear of certain types of spandex. The new ban has local joggers and cyclists in an uproar, but county officials have asserted that the typical spandex outfits worn by most athletes would not be affected by the ban -- only certain provocative types of spandex. The legislative move came in response to pressure from a citizen's committee on decency. Patty Winters, president of People Against Naughty and Titillating Sportswear, or PANTS, explained her group's position: "There are certain things we just don't need to see in public. ...

Posted in Neighboring Cities | 9 Comments »

Austin Code-Breaker Reveals Miss Teen South Carolina Plot

September 8, 2007 – 1:42 pm

If you've watched any major news network over the last week, you've probably seen the story of Miss South Carolina at the 2007 Miss Teen USA pageant. When asked a straightforward question about the number of Americans who cannot locate the U.S. on a map, the beauty contestant lapsed into a nonsensical diatribe about South Africa, Iraq, and the geographical ignorance of "U.S. Americans." Since then, the story has exploded with media- and Internet-driven popularity. Case in point, a video of the botched response was posted on YouTube (see below) and has since been viewed by millions of people. Click to view coded ...

Posted in National News | No Comments »

Austin’s Panhandlers - A Profile in Courage

September 5, 2007 – 11:35 am

Austin, TX -- If you live or work near downtown Austin, you've certainly seen them before. Almost everywhere you go, panhandlers adorn the offramps and intersections of Austin's highways and byways. They have become such a common site, in fact, that many people don't stop to consider the dangers these men and women face on a daily basis. As such, certain acts of courage and uncommon valor go unnoticed by the public at large -- courageous acts that could offer us inspiration and hope, if only we knew about them. This is a story of one such act of courage. This is the ...

Posted in Austin News | No Comments »

Interstate 35 Voted Friendliest Freeway of 2007

September 3, 2007 – 2:09 pm

Austin, TX -- The Texas Department of Transportation announced Friday that the stretch of I-35 between Round Rock and South Austin was voted "Friendliest Freeway of 2007" in all of Texas, and was also ranked #4 in the nation. The nationwide survey was conducted by the U.S. Department of Transportation, with input from the transportation departments of each state. A panel of researchers compared more than 250 freeways and interstates, with special emphasis on certain high-traffic areas (such as the portion of I-35 that flows into downtown Austin from both north and south). Input came from independent traffic surveys of each freeway, ...

Posted in Austin News | No Comments »

Lin-Si Lo Han is Tired of the Name Jokes

August 31, 2007 – 3:23 pm

Austin, TX - It's hard to attend an institute of higher education in a foreign country, thousands of miles from your family. But to do so amid constant name-calling and jokes can be nothing short of overwhelming. Such is the case with Lin-Si Lo Han, a UT freshman exchange student from Yangshuo, China. According to Lo Han, people are constantly making fun of her name, which -- when pronounced quickly -- sounds much like "Lindsay Lohan." "Some people are genuinely confused," Lo Han explained. "Maybe they hear of Lindsay Lohan but don't know what she look like, so they think I am her. ...

Posted in Austin News | No Comments »

Pflugerville Student Builds Hasselhoff-2 for Science Fair

August 30, 2007 – 2:12 pm

Austin, TX -- It seems the days of building a shoebox diorama for your elementary school's science fair are long gone -- eclipsed by better technology, smarter students and larger prizes. Nowhere was this more evident than at the recently concluded "All-Austin Science Fair" held at the Bob Bullock Museum in downtown Austin. The fair included science-minded students from AISD and surrounding school systems, and featured the much-sought-after grand prize of a full scholarship to any college or university within Texas. A strong motivator, to say the least. The most motivated student of all, it seems, was one Jerry McKlusky, whose "Hasselhoff-2" exhibit ...

Posted in Austin News | 1 Comment »

New Reality Show Recruits Austin Pimps

August 29, 2007 – 7:44 am

Austin, TX -- The Fox Network announced a new reality show last week, set to premier in the spring of 2008. Auditions for the show will be held in Austin, Texas in November of this year. Fox's new show, "The Pimp," bears similarities to ABC's "The Bachelor," a reality show in which one young man must choose a potential bride from among 25 beautiful women. Only this time, the man will be a genuine pimp, who will have to choose a sole earner from among 25 talented prostitutes. The woman he chooses at the end of the season will be his primary ...

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »