Remains of Fifth Dentist Found in Shallow Grave

November 23, 2007 – 3:32 pm

Austin, Texas - 11/23/07 -- Police announced that the skeletal remains of the mysterious "fifth dentist" were discovered yesterday in a stretch of woods of South Austin. Anyone who owns a television has probably heard the gum advertisements citing how "Four out of five dentists recommend [product] to their patients..." Over the years, in fact, many commercials and news releases have begun with the phrase four out of five dentists, or something similar to it. But for many years the question has been: Where did the fifth dentist go? Why was he or she always been absent from the polling? The answer may ...

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Turkeys Terrorize Elementary School After Fundraiser Goes Awry

November 15, 2007 – 11:18 am

Austin, TX - 11/14/07 -- An Austin, Texas elementary school went into full lock-down mode yesterday as rampaging turkeys struggled to get inside. When you think of turkey hunting, you would normally think of man as the hunter and the turkey as the prey. But an unusual turn of events reversed that relationship Wednesday, when more than 100 turkeys got loose and began angrily pursuing schoolchildren at an Austin elementary school. The incident took place at Ravenwood Elementary in north Austin yesterday. An all-day fundraiser was taking place in the school's parking lot, where parents could drop of canned goods for families ...

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Austin Man Paints Himself Into Corner, Trapped for 24 Hours

November 11, 2007 – 10:53 am

Austin, TX - 11/11/07 -- An elderly man painted himself into a corner of his North Austin home and was trapped there for more than 24 hours as the paint dried. The story unfolded in the Wells Branch area of North Austin on Saturday. The man, who lives alone, was renovating his one-story home and had been painting several rooms of the house. His near-fatal mistake took place in a spare bedroom of the old house, where he mistakenly began painting the wood floors from the doorway inward -- as opposed to working toward the door. By the time he realized the ...

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Zombies Invade Austin - National Guard Struggles to Stop Them

October 30, 2007 – 1:23 pm

Austin, TX -- The living dead have invaded downtown Austin, feasting on brains and causing widespread panic throughout the city. National Guard troops report that the zombies are only 15% contained. Scientists are scrambling to determine the cause of a zombie outbreak in parts of Austin, Texas. While the facts are not all in, some experts believe the onset of Halloween has somehow woken the dead, who now roam the streets of Austin. Others cite a particular alignment of planets in conjunction with the current phase of the moon. Whatever the cause, one thing current is certain. The living dead now have ...

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Mushroom Mary Halts Construction in Downtown Austin

October 23, 2007 – 10:48 am

Austin, TX - October 23, 2007 -- A common mushroom bearing the likeness of what some claim is the Virgin Mary has halted construction in downtown Austin, Texas. This story unfolded Monday afternoon in the vicinity of Second Street and Congress Avenue, when a passerby noticed a mushroom with unusual markings sprouting from a patch of grass near a construction zone. The man knelt down to examine the mushroom more closely, and that's when he made a startling discovery. The mushroom's markings resemble the face of a woman, who the man believed to be the Virgin Mary. The man told members of ...

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Bicycle Gangs Fight for Territory Along Parmer Lane

October 16, 2007 – 9:19 am

Use the phrase "street gang" and most people think of cities like Los Angeles or Miami. But over the last decade, gang cultures have quietly but consistently crept into otherwise low-crime areas of American suburbia. Now, it seems, Austin is the latest city on that list. A non-governmental report released by the Justice League Initiative, or JLI, found that gangs are already forming in and around Austin, Texas. But these are not ordinary street gangs -- they are bicycle gangs. As it turns out, the northern stretch of Parmer Lane that connects North Austin to Cedar Park is one of the most heavily ...

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Hairless Cat Saves Woman from Escaped Tiger in Downtown Austin

October 9, 2007 – 5:13 pm

Austin, TX -- A woman who was nearly mauled by an escaped tiger has another feline to thank for her survival ... a hairless cat named Ramses. This unusual story unfolded Sunday morning in downtown Austin. A production crew was filming a commercial for Tiger Heat, a men's body spray manufactured by an Austin-based company. The commercial was being filmed at the manufacturer's downtown headquarters. An actual tiger was being used for the Tiger Heat commercial. During a coffee break, an animal handler led Sasha, a trained Siberian tiger, into her makeshift holding pen. But the handler forgot to fasten the gate ...

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Man Caught Smuggling Chupacabra at Austin, Texas Airport

October 1, 2007 – 1:09 pm

Austin, TX - An unidentified man was caught trying to smuggle a chupacabra into Austin, Texas by hiding the beast in his carry-on luggage. To many people, the chupacabra ("goat sucker" in Spanish) is a mythical creature said to inhabit parts of Mexico and the southwestern United States. But to law enforcement personnel at Austin Bergstrom International Airport (ABIA) in Austin, Texas, the chupacabra is something much more real ... and dangerous. This story began on Saturday morning in the baggage claim area of Austin's airport. James Garcia, a TSA security screener, noticed a man who appeared nervous and agitated about something. "He ...

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Texas Bigfoot Attends Secret Meeting at Governor’s Mansion

September 25, 2007 – 4:15 pm

Austin, TX -- An unnamed source captured provocative photos of the "Texas Bigfoot" sneaking into the governor's mansion for a midnight meeting. According to the Texas Bigfoot Research Center, there have been many Bigfoot sightings in Texas, but none in the capital city of Austin. At around 1:00 a.m. on Sunday morning, that all changed. An unnamed source who if friendly to the Austin Probe took a series of photos that show the Texas Bigfoot surreptitiously entering the governor's mansion through a side door. Image: Texas Bigfoot sneaking into the governor's mansion An hour later, that same photographer captured the beast exiting the ...

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Autophobes Anonymous Enjoy ACL Festival

September 18, 2007 – 4:48 pm

Austin, TX -- Autophobes from around the country swooped into town this past weekend, overcoming their fears to attend the Austin City Limits Music Festival. Isopterophobes are terrified by termites. Pyrophobes fear fire. Sociophobes are put off by people. And autophobes ... well, they are afraid of automobiles. But that didn't stop 327 autophobes from attending the recent Austin City Limits Music Festival in Zilker Park. The group excursion was coordinated by Autophobes Anonymous, a national support group for people who suffer from autophobia -- the fear of cars. Image: Arriving autophobes crowd the skies over the ACL festival According to Zelda Algernon, ...

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