Jade the Stripper Has Had It With Joe the Plumber

Austin, TX – Jade, an exotic dancer at the Juggy Club in South Austin, said she is tired of hearing about Joe the plumber since yesterday’s presidential debate. The long-time republican even plans to vote democrat for the first time in her life, as a result of McCain’s performance in the debate.

The Austin Probe staff has been knocking on doors all across Austin lately, in an effort to measure the political opinions of Austin’s voters. When visiting the Shady Lane trailer park in South Austin, we interviewed a woman named Jade, an exotic dancer with one of Austin’s oldest strip clubs.

According to Jade, Senator McCain’s fixation with Joe the plumber shows how out of touch he is with the people who are truly suffering in this country.

If you tuned in to the presidential debate between John McCain and Barack Obama on Wednesday night, you’ll know why Joe the Plumber has become the latest Internet and media sensation in this country. Senator McCain referred to Joe the plumber repeatedly, in an attempt to show how Senator Obama was going to hurt “the average Joe” with his tax plan.

As Obama quickly pointed out, his tax plan would only raise taxes on Joe the Plumber if he made more than $250,000 per year. According to the Illinois senator, his plan would keep taxes at their current level for 95% of the population.

But for Joe the plumber of Holland, Ohio, the media swarm was already headed his way. Camera crews arrived at his home within hours, and he gave an impromptu press conference on Thursday morning. Since then, he has become an Internet news sensation as well — at least this week.

McCain, who is evidently still obsessed with the plumber from Ohio, told Fox News that he plans to visit Joe in the near future: “I’m probably going to call him this morning,” McCain said. “I thought he would probably be up late … But I think we’re going to be spending some time together.”

When we told Jade the stripper about McCain’s recent comments, she shook her head angrily, lit another cigarette, and then unleashed a stream of profanities we cannot repeat here.

“Who gives a flying [expletive] about Joe the friggin’ plumber?” said Jade. “That fool is making something like 200 grand per year, and America is supposed to be worried about him? You know how much I make a year? Twenty-seven thousand, if I’m lucky. I can’t even do the pole dancing no more, cause of a hip injury. So my salary gone shrink some more this year. I’m the kind of American who needs help … what’s McCain gone do for me? Nothing. He’s too damn worried about his boyfriend Joe the plumber.”

As it turn out, however, we might have to come up with a different name for John McCain’s newest pet. According to recent news, Joe might not even be a plumber at all. At least, not as far as the state of Ohio is concerned.