Hillary’s Twin Sister Arrested in Austin Bar
By Editor | August 25, 2007
Said the bar’s owner: “She was a little over the top, but she wasn’t hurting anybody. I don’t think the police were necessary.”
Austin, TX - It is widely known that many politicians lead secretive lives. For example, the daily whereabouts of Vice President Dick Cheney are known only to a small handful of staff members.
But the biggest secret of all, it seems, is that Hillary Clinton has a twin sister — and a wild one at that. This fact has eluded the public and mainstream media for years, but it all came to light in the beer-smelling darkness of a local nightspot.
The story unfolded Friday night at a popular bar in Downtown Austin. As a woman entered the bar at around 10:30 pm, people began to gather around her for handshakes and photographs. Minutes later the band stopped playing, having lost their audience to the mysterious newcomer.
“I was thinking Paris Hilton or something,” said Stinky Morris, lead singer of the band Trash Maggots. “I remember saying that to the band … yo check it, it’s Paris Hilton and s#@t.”
But the new arrival was not Paris Hilton. In fact, it wasn’t anyone who would normally warrant such attention from a crowd of strangers. It was Valerie Rodham, twin sister of Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton. As far as the crowd was concerned, however, the New York senator and presidential candidate had just entered the bar.
“She was a dead ringer for Hillary,” said Gene Harlow, the bar’s owner. “At that moment, I would’ve bet my bar it was Hillary Clinton. No question about it.”
In an attempt to quell the crowd, Valerie Rodham eventually showed a photo of her and her sister, posing side by side during a Martha’s Vineyard vacation. But the gesture did little to settle the masses, who had begun to chant “Hil-la-ry … Hil-la-ry!”
“Eventually we all realized it was her twin sister,” explained Harlow. “But the real Hillary doesn’t come to Austin much, so as far as we were concerned, this was our Hillary.”
“Our Hillary,” as she became known, turned out to be quite the reveler as well. Within an hour of her arrival, she had ordered multiple rounds of Jagermesiter for the entire bar. By midnight, she had the crowd dancing to a Trash Maggots version of “Shout” by the Isley Brothers. But trouble came when “Our Hillary” clambered onto the bar for an ill-advised dance reminiscent of Coyote Ugly.
“I thought it was great,” said bar owner Harlow. “I’ve always loved ‘Devil Went Down to Georgia.’ And to have Our Hillary shaking her tail feathers to that song, well … it’s just not something you see every day.”
Apparently, some patrons of the bar did not share Harlow’s enthusiasm. A little past midnight, the police received a noisy phone call from the bar, and officers arrived at the establishment twenty minutes later.
Gene Harlow was surprised by the police presence: “She was a little over the top, but she wasn’t hurting anybody. I don’t think the police were necessary. I think it was someone from the Republican side who made the call, but that’s just me.”
Valerie Rodham — a.k.a. “Our Hillary” — was arrested for disorderly conduct, but was later released without formal charges following a phone call from the real Hillary.
Sound Off, Austin
Have you been mistaken for a celebrity? Did the incident lead to an arrest or unruly crowd behavior? Were you present when Valerie Rodham bought shots of Jagermeister for everyone? The Austin Probe wants to hear from you. Share your story in the “Comments” box below.
Topics: Austin News |
August 26th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
What’s wrong with you? ! I’m outraged, outraged I tell you.
I so happen to be a twin and a Clinton supporter. And even though my twin and I sometimes trade lives, it’s just not right to judge someone by their twin’s behavior.
Discrimination against twins must stop.
Twin-bating must stop.
What’s next DoubleMint jokes?
I think you owe twins everywhere an apology.
October 28th, 2007 at 5:01 am
Discrimination against twins is starting to get the attention of lawmakers also. In half a dozen states it is now illegal for a school system to separate twins in separate classes throughout their entire public school duration. There are many reasons why this behavior is unacceptable. Many are listed in these laws.
Nobody should be treated with indifference based on the way they look. Nobody.
Now, I’m not Black, Asian, Hispanic, or any other minority, but I do know how it feels to be treated differently based on the way I look, because I’m a twin. My twin and I live separate lives now, in different cities, however because my previous experiences, I am more keenly aware of all of the day to day looks and gestures, and all of the little racist nuances directed at minorities. And I’m here to tell you that racism is alive and well in this country.
And what really gets me is that these people, are delusional in thinking that no one is noticing their behavior.
Fortunately every minority has national and worldwide representation and self interest groups working for their cause.
Unfortunately, twins do not this. Sure, there are a lot of other self interest groups as well. What does a gay person look like? Maybe I’m completely naive, but I don’t know, do you?
The majority of discrimination is based on looks however. And twins clearly fall in the category.
So show some compassion to others. And stop asking moronic twin questions. There’s obviously no logic behind any of these questions.