Bicycle Gangs Fight for Territory Along Parmer Lane
By Editor | October 16, 2007
Use the phrase “street gang” and most people think of cities like Los Angeles or Miami. But over the last decade, gang cultures have quietly but consistently crept into otherwise low-crime areas of American suburbia.
Now, it seems, Austin is the latest city on that list.
A non-governmental report released by the Justice League Initiative, or JLI, found that gangs are already forming in and around Austin, Texas. But these are not ordinary street gangs — they are bicycle gangs.
As it turns out, the northern stretch of Parmer Lane that connects North Austin to Cedar Park is one of the most heavily infested “turfs” of gang activity. According to the JLI report, two opposing gangs account for most of that activity:
The Sprocket Kings wear blue or black helmets and solid-colored spandex shorts. They are mostly residents of North Austin and claim rights to all of Parmer Lane because it originates from within their turf.
The Pedal Pushers can be distinguished by their red, orange or yellow helmets, as well as the accent stripes down the leg of their spandex shorts. They are mostly Cedar Park residents and claim to have been biking on Parmer Lane long before the Sprocket Kings showed up.
Shockingly, there are more than a dozen “lesser” gangs in the area as well. The largest of these include the following:
- The Chain Greasers
- The Pedal Pimps
- The Cycle Psychos
- The RPMs
- The Spandex Satans (a Goth-influenced gang)
Image: Members of the Blue Bombers chase members of Pink Pedal Queens from their turf.
In two interviews, conducted separately for safety reasons, we sat down with the leaders of the two major gangs — Brian “Pedal Pimp” Johnson of the Austin-based Sprocket Kings, and Becky “Helmet Head” Leibowitz of the Cedar Park area Pedal Pushers.
* Interview excerpt with Brian “Pedal Pimp” Johnson (Sprocket Kings):
Austin Probe: So Brian, can you tell us why the Sprocket Kings hate the Pedal Pushers so much?
Brian Johnson: We hate them because we have to, man. It’s survival out there on the blacktop. It ain’t playtime. We see a Pedal Pusher on our turf, we run her off the road. Plain and simple. That’s like asking the Arabs and Israelites why they hate each other.
AP: Arabs and Israelis.
BJ: Whatever man … you get my point. It’s hit or be hit out there. That’s life on the blacktop, player, like it or not. Oh, and by the way, here’s my business card … you need a CPA at tax time, you call me.
* Interview excerpt with Becky “Helmet Head” Leibowitz (Pedal Pushers):
Austin Probe: Thanks for talking to us, Becky. Can you tell me how your gang, the Pedal Pushers, came to exist?
Becky Leibowitz: Well, gosh, it’s been so long it seems like we were always a gang. We all rode together as long as I can remember. It started out as mostly soccer moms. Then the word spread through play-dates and PTA meetings and what not. Before you knew it, we were 100 strong. Hey, if you’re gonna print this, can you put down that we are 200 strong? Just for appearances?
AP: Sure thing.
BL: Thanks. It may seem silly to you, but it’s like an arms race to us. Who has the most members … who has the fastest riders … it’s bragging rights, but it’s also survival. By the way, I’m selling candy bars for the high school booster club, if you’re interested? It will help send my son to football camp.
AP: Okay. Put me down for a dozen.
BL: Well bless your heart! Oh, and can you leave this part out of the interview too?
We hope these interview excerpts help you understand two important facts regarding bicycle gangs in Austin.
- The first fact is that bicycle gangs do, in fact, exist in the Austin area, and they need to addressed by our city leaders — not ignored.
- The second fact is that these people, while gang members, are much like you and me. They have regular jobs, they are active in their respective communities, and they are otherwise responsible adults — save for the fact they are in vicious urban gangs.
If you see a bicycle gang during your commute, please give them plenty of space. Avoid making eye contact, as much as possible. Though their hatred is typically aimed at opposing gangs, they are potentially dangerous nonetheless.
If you are ever approached to join such a gang, remember the closing words of Becky “Helmet Head” Leibowitz, who, in our interview told me:
“I’m in it for life. Whether I like it or not … I’m in this for life.”
Topics: Around Town |
January 8th, 2008 at 1:30 am
This parody paper is … really … staggering…
Steve Speir, Copperas Cove
sspeir313@sbcglobal.net
January 8th, 2008 at 7:16 am
Thanks Steve. But this is actually a website, not a paper. You can tell the difference if you put your nose close to it. One will smell like ink and newsprint (that’s the paper). The other will smell like the glass of your monitor (that’s the website).
Hope all is well in the greater metropolis of Copperas Cove! Best wishes for the new year.
-AP Staff