Archive for September, 2007
Texas Bigfoot Attends Secret Meeting at Governor’s Mansion
Tuesday, September 25th, 2007Austin, TX — An unnamed source captured provocative photos of the “Texas Bigfoot” sneaking into the governor’s mansion for a midnight meeting.
According to the Texas Bigfoot Research Center, there have been many Bigfoot sightings in Texas, but none in the capital city of Austin. At around 1:00 a.m. on Sunday morning, that all changed.
An […]
Autophobes Anonymous Enjoy ACL Festival
Tuesday, September 18th, 2007Austin, TX — Autophobes from around the country swooped into town this past weekend, overcoming their fears to attend the Austin City Limits Music Festival.
Isopterophobes are terrified by termites. Pyrophobes fear fire. Sociophobes are put off by people. And autophobes … well, they are afraid of automobiles.
But that didn’t stop 327 autophobes from attending […]
Provocative Spandex Outlawed in Williamson County
Wednesday, September 12th, 2007Round Rock, TX — Williamson County officials announced today a new ordinance that bans the outdoor wear of certain types of spandex.
The new ban has local joggers and cyclists in an uproar, but county officials have asserted that the typical spandex outfits worn by most athletes would not be affected by the ban — only […]
Austin Code-Breaker Reveals Miss Teen South Carolina Plot
Saturday, September 8th, 2007If you’ve watched any major news network over the last week, you’ve probably seen the story of Miss South Carolina at the 2007 Miss Teen USA pageant.
When asked a straightforward question about the number of Americans who cannot locate the U.S. on a map, the beauty contestant lapsed into a nonsensical diatribe about South Africa, […]
Austin’s Panhandlers - A Profile in Courage
Wednesday, September 5th, 2007Austin, TX — If you live or work near downtown Austin, you’ve certainly seen them before. Almost everywhere you go, panhandlers adorn the offramps and intersections of Austin’s highways and byways.
They have become such a common site, in fact, that many people don’t stop to consider the dangers these men and women face on a […]
Interstate 35 Voted Friendliest Freeway of 2007
Monday, September 3rd, 2007Austin, TX — The Texas Department of Transportation announced Friday that the stretch of I-35 between Round Rock and South Austin was voted “Friendliest Freeway of 2007″ in all of Texas, and was also ranked #4 in the nation.
The nationwide survey was conducted by the U.S. Department of Transportation, with input from the transportation departments […]