Man Receives Chimpanzee Nipples During Landmark Surgery

March 17, 2008 – 2:44 pm

An Austin, Texas man has made medical history by being the first person to receive ape nipples via surgical transplant. William Hartwell, a 54-year-old auto mechanic from North Austin, received the nipples and areola (colored area around the nipples) of a male chimpanzee that died of natural causes. The nipples of the two species -- human and chimp -- are said to be surprisingly similar from an anatomical perspective. Image: Hartwell reads well-wishes from friends after his surgery The surgery came as the result of a rare skin condition that caused tissue damage around Hartwell's nipples. Plastic surgeons have been theorizing about the ...

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The Prostitute’s Union and Other Great Things About Austin

March 6, 2008 – 9:57 am

Thinking about moving to Austin in the near future? Or maybe you already live here, but you'd like to renew your appreciation for the city? In either case, this article is for you. In this special feature, the editors of The Austin Probe (your premier source for Austin news) have listed their favorite things about the city of Austin, Texas: 1. The Rattlesnakes are Friendly A survey by the North American Society for Herpetological Research found that the rattlesnakes in the greater Austin area are less likely to strike than rattlesnakes elsewhere in the country. The rattlesnakes in Austin have even been ...

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Cougar Scent - New Cologne Attracts Older Women on the Prowl

February 19, 2008 – 3:32 pm

A new cologne for men has been scientifically designed to attract older women in search of a younger man. The cologne, developed by Austin-based ScentMark Industries Inc., was four years in the making and could hit stores as early as this spring. If you are not familiar with a "cougar" in the urban slang sense of the word, it could be defined as a woman on the prowl for a younger man. Perhaps you saw the recent release of Cougar Club, a comedy about younger men devoted to older women. Or maybe you've encountered a slang definition of "cougar" on ...

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Teens Wrestle Strangers to Fight Boredom During Writers Strike

January 19, 2008 – 4:37 pm

Austin, TX - With most television programs in reruns due to the Hollywood writers' strike, teenage boys in Austin have turned to an alternative (and illegal) form of entertainment -- wrestling total strangers in the street. We have all felt the effects of the writers' strike in Hollywood. Some of our favorite shows are stuck in reruns and behind schedule as a result of the strike, and some of us are desperately seeking alternate forms of entertainment such as reading. But for a small group of Austin teens, the lack of TV viewing options has fueled a level of boredom that, ...

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13 Senior Citizens Injured in Worst Granny Pileup Since 1988

January 2, 2008 – 10:04 am

Austin, TX - January 1, 2007 -- It was a bad start to the new year for many elderly Austinites on Tuesday, as a store promotion led to the worst pileup of senior citizens in nearly two decades. When John Spencer came to work on New Year's Day, he had a bad feeling in the pit of stomach. Upon arriving to work at the Shop Rite department store in North Austin, the 32-year-old assistant manager noticed a large group of senior citizens jostling for position outside the store's locked doors. Two weeks earlier, the department store (whose product line caters ...

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Austin Man Marries Plasma TV to Spite His Wife

December 15, 2007 – 8:47 am

Austin, TX - 12/15/07 -- An Austin man elopes to Las Vegas and marries his plasma television set to spite his wife who frequently told him he should marry the TV. Editor's Note: Without even trying, we seem to be on a streak of unusual marriage stories. Earlier this week, we brought you news about an Austin woman who married a Nigerian prince, as the result of what she thought was a spam email. Now we bring you the story of an Austin man who married his TV to spite his wife. It must be something in the Austin air. Let ...

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Truth in Spam: Woman Marries Nigerian Prince

December 12, 2007 – 11:49 am

Austin, TX - December 12, 2007 -- When Austin resident Harriet Tubbs received an email from a self-proclaimed Nigerian prince with financial woes, her first impression was spam and fraud. She never imagined a love story could come out of it. Harriet Tubbs is certainly not new to the Internet. The marathon runner and divorced mother of two has been an active Internet user for more than five years, shopping online, participating in web forums, and even publishing her own blog about marathon training. So when Harriet received an unsolicited email from somebody claiming to be a Nigerian prince in need of ...

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24-Hour Michael Bolton Station Declares Bankruptcy

December 3, 2007 – 4:45 pm

Austin, TX - 12/3/07 -- Austin, Texas fans of the singer Michael Bolton will have one less thing to celebrate this holiday season. The 24-hour Michael Bolton radio station will be going off their airwaves later today. For nearly five months, "Bolton 106 FM" has been a dream come true for die-hard Michael Bolton fans. The venue played Bolton songs around the clock, breaking only for advertisements and tidbits of Michael Bolton trivia. (Did you know he has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame?) The all-Bolton radio station was the brainchild of Austin entrepreneur Bolton Michaels. Michaels first heard ...

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Remains of Fifth Dentist Found in Shallow Grave

November 23, 2007 – 3:32 pm

Austin, Texas - 11/23/07 -- Police announced that the skeletal remains of the mysterious "fifth dentist" were discovered yesterday in a stretch of woods of South Austin. Anyone who owns a television has probably heard the gum advertisements citing how "Four out of five dentists recommend [product] to their patients..." Over the years, in fact, many commercials and news releases have begun with the phrase four out of five dentists, or something similar to it. But for many years the question has been: Where did the fifth dentist go? Why was he or she always been absent from the polling? The answer may ...

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Turkeys Terrorize Elementary School After Fundraiser Goes Awry

November 15, 2007 – 11:18 am

Austin, TX - 11/14/07 -- An Austin, Texas elementary school went into full lock-down mode yesterday as rampaging turkeys struggled to get inside. When you think of turkey hunting, you would normally think of man as the hunter and the turkey as the prey. But an unusual turn of events reversed that relationship Wednesday, when more than 100 turkeys got loose and began angrily pursuing schoolchildren at an Austin elementary school. The incident took place at Ravenwood Elementary in north Austin yesterday. An all-day fundraiser was taking place in the school's parking lot, where parents could drop of canned goods for families ...

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